Defining or memorable moments in my life.....

1>Holding a bumble bee when I was five thinking it was pretty and getting stung...

2> afternoon walks to my sisters bus stop with my grampa Poulin and the visit to Charlies store for our coke and Hershey candy bar while we waited for the bus. A secret we kept from my grandmother who was home cooking dinner.

3>Bloody potatoes a thing my cousin Ronnie and I use to do with our mashed potatoes...mash potatoes and ketchup...we use to see who could get there's the redest...

3>First time I was spanked and realizing the person I trusted to keep me safe could be a person who could cause me the most pain.

4>Christmas eves making my mom wait until I was in bed and asleep before the gifts hit the tree, a tradition we carried on with our kids.


5>Death of my Uncle from Leukemia My cousin who had a fatal fall after coming home from his honeymoon and was put on life support for days before his mom was able to let go. I still remember us kids sitting in the window looking across the way through a window at him lying on a bed hocked to machines. I made a deal with god that week to let me live until I was in my 40's and or have someone watch over me, Im in my 40's I wonder if I should be worrying.. hmmm :/ My grandmother dying a very slow and painful death and......all three happened fairly close in years before I was a teen. Followed by the death of the rest of my grandparents and another uncle and cousin. Death was a theme in my family for a while.

6>my first kiss when I was little and my first real kiss as a teen with the same person Wayne Pike my cusions neighbor. He was just a little romio

7>Getting lost in the blueberry planes with my cousins and their friends all day and having the whole town of Kenn looking for us. We made the front page of the community section.

8>Meeting Sam

9>The birth of my first child...lets just say there was a lot of blood...wasn't a pretty site

10.> Carrying my second child and having to worry she wasn't going to make it full term.

11> The last constration giving birth to Jenn...It was a killer and if I think about it it was just like it was yesterday...

12>The first time your child's feeling are hurt and knowing there is nothing you can do to take the pain away you just have to be there and feel it with them. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'd rather have a root canal.

13> When I was in jr high being in the ocean with my friend and her dad on a very small sail boat in OCTOBER and almost dying....and knowing I could die.

14>Sailing with Kristens mom...also NOT GOOD OCEAN experiences.

15>baking with my grandma and coloring with her something we did right up until her death...she swore it was calming and it is, I still color when Im stressed out.

16>Drivers ed when I did my first drive and put myself and the instructor in a ditch down behind Dairy Queen in Saco....and Laughing...not a good thing to do....

17>Salmon Falls where I spent the tail end of 8th grade and high school...Lots of good and memorable moments in those years.

18> Holding the hand of someone special when the passed away. Being there with them...

19>Being the only girl to make it up to the top of Mt.Washington during a climb back in high school. One of my favorite trips of many that we took.

20> The first time on ski's.

21> Florida and Canada trip I took with Kris and her mom back in high school

22. The first time on a plane. I love to fly.

23> Night drives with my youngest daughter. We've had some of the most interesting chats riding around in circles in OOB.

24> Having the neighborhood kids running in and out of our house. Letting them know they mattered.

winter days = good old home baking

Cho. cho. chip cup cakes with brown sugar dusted almonds baked in on top for that little sweetness to replace frosting.
YUMMY!

I love baking on days like this....

Visiting the past

Recently I've been in touch with some old friends from high school. It's been really a breath of fresh air to reconnect. You remember why you were friends with certain people and why you weren't with others. Looking back I realize that I had it pretty much right. The people I believed to be good turned out to be good adults and those I felt uneasy about I was right in my judgment. I always worry that I make quick judgments but I really listen to my gut. I try to be nice to everyone but I just stay aware and it's nice to know that I had it right for the most part. And I've made peace with the misjudgments I made.

I found one of my cousins on facebook who I hadn't been in touch with for years, that was exciting. He looks just like his father who passed some time ago. My mom kind of took care of her brother so we saw my uncle a lot. He was a lot of work and took up a lot of our time when he was having his bad times, but I adored him and when I saw the picture of my cousin I was totally taken back that's how much he looks like his dad. I really hope we stay in touch.

As for the living a healthy life...it's been a slow progress but progress all the same. I'm doing a cardio max workout every other day and a power sculpt on the opposite day and taking one day off. Once the warmer weather hits I'll start getting outside more and adding power walking to the kit...that's the plan from this point any way. I've been doing the cardio work out on a reg basis but had to take a few days off because my body was racked. I have sore spots on my body where I didn't know muscles lived....Like in my ASS....OMG between my butt muscles and my thigh muscles I feel like I've been run over by a mac truck. I tried to do the routine yesterday and just couldn't get through it but I rested up enough so I was able to do it today.

Still can't stop baking....it's like my brain is saying....your not going to eat junk then bake.....It's bizarre how the mind can fuck with you.

My new issue is that when I exercise my appetite grows....I have to be more aware of what foods I'm choosing to feed my body. And I'm missing the hostess Cup Cake.....I'm trying to come up with one I can make that will cut the calories....I love my cup cake!

Ok now I have to go bake some muffins....SEE..... OH LORD!

Im exhausted

I cut back the diet pepsi and started exercising on a reg basis and Im EXHAUSTEDDDDDDD! It's only midnight and I want to go to bed. It's Friday for Christ Sakes!

OY.....

Going to bed I guess.

My muffins....I was so proud of them I had to take a picture.... Banana carrot cho.chip with crumble on top....very little sugar. only a few cho. chips in each, no oil, no eggs.....and they tasted good..... I really need to clean my oven tho....eww didn't realize it had gotten that bad....

Went to see Yaya's baby for the the first time today, she's only a few weeks old and that kid had like supper baby neck holding her head up and looking all over the place. She's such a cutie....



This man is kicking my butt....


I know this face...that's the face I make five min. into his routine. I know that face well.....It screams PAIN and "Where the hell did those muscles come from Holly Christ!" and "OH MY GOD are we done yet are we done yet" Yup I know that face well...

Off to down some h20 and hit the hay.....

Have a good one!

Pictures I took yesterday

Our snow bank

I've saved this plant so many times

I didn't realize that someone had drawn a flower in the snow until I downloaded my pics

Under the pier

there was a surfer out there but the sun blocked him

he crashed and burned right as I took the shot

The pier

this tree looks as if it's going down when your up close and personal


that water was so cold that morning, I don't know how he stayed out there so long

the Park

Jenn's place of work in the summer time


This is my favorite spot when I walk, as you come up to the top of the hill all you see is the water

when the body fights you

I can remember a time not so long ago, 3 years ago when I was walking 3-4 miles a day and running 2 miles 4-5 nights a week. When you let the body go it takes forever to get it back to that place. I've been doing the Biggest Loser tapes (for the record, they kick serious ass) and today I started walking again. Every bone in my body hurts....I have muscles in my butt I forgot I had and my legs are KILLING ME. I have to keep remembering that if I can past 2 weeks of doing this on a reg. basis my body will start to get programed to want to move and it will become habit again and easier. 2 Weeks, I just have to stick to the routine for 2 weeks and from there it will just be about the food i put into my body because the exercise will be second nature.

I swear to the higher powers to be that if I get back to where i was 3 years ago I will not let my body get so out of shape again. Will NOT!

Funny stuff

Funny for me anyway

I was talking to my sister, we're both trying to lose weight and I was saying how I love to cook and it gets way out of control when I'm watching what goes into my body, it's like I can't cook/bake enough and she said, "Yeah like the food Chanel it's like Food porn I can't stop watching it".

I just found that funny cause for the past three day's I've been clued to Chanel 51/52 the food chanels...

OY!

just another day

ok back to why I started this blog

So I started this blog to talk about my journey to a healthy me....So far I've posted a bunch of photos and vented about stuff that was bugging me.....Well it's all part of it. Taking pictures makes me happy and venting gets rid of the negative stuff inside.

The weight is coming off hard this time around, guess it's the downfall of getting older. A lot of my friends my age crap about getting older, their gray hair, wrinkles, love handles ect ect.....

I do color my hair but just to blend in the gray until it all comes in, I cant wait to go white like my dad and my grandma... I loved grams hair and I love dads hair. It's this in between crap I don't like. Wrinkles....well I've earned every single one of them and I'm getting the same laugh line my grams had. I actually love that one. Love handles well it's more like oh what are those bikes with the big massive handles on them....Those I can do without but they are SLOWLYYYYYYYY leaving. Getting old is kind of fun....Some things just don't matter as much anymore and you really start to relax I think the worst years are your 20's when your trying to find yourself and your screwing up all over the place. The 20's were difficult. 30's so so I've really enjoyed my 40's. I think I finally get ME. Once you have yourself figured out everything else just sort of falls in place. It's nice. So you have to put up with a few wrinkles, some gray hair and a little extra body fat.....It's a fair trade I think.

The agenda this week .....

Get Jenn's car fixed and running

Clean the house (early early spring clean)

Get Jenn back to school

Put up a work out schedule on the wall and do a menu for the next ten days

That's the plan.......................


JUST CAUSE...............................................................................................HE IS WHO HE IS...............

A day out in the cold with my camera...It was a good day! :)

So I spent some time out in the cold with my camera. It wasn't a total wash out I did get a few photos I was semi happy with..... they aren't great but they are ok .

At the end of the day you may find yourself Alone

I'm just sitting here thinking.....wow.

Exhausted and Sore

Bob Harper is kicking my ass! I'm so sore and my legs are KILLING ME. This is what I get for letting myself get back out of shape.

This SUCKS.

"It's going to get easier" , that's what I keep telling my self.


Still can't come up with a tattoo that I'm going to be happy with. I've sketched out a half dozen or so and I just can't decide. I think I'll try and get Chelsea to sketch out something or my sister. Let someone else do it, I'm just so undecided about everything these days. When your putting so much focus on what's going into your body and making sure your moving it enough every day I just feel overwhelmed with anything else, it's going to be this way for a few weeks until I gain some control again. I don't think Skinny Sammy gets it cause he's never had to deal with it. You Skinny people really piss me off sometimes.

:/



Let's see....Chelsea came home for a visit today, I made her buy some boots at work...Third time in the store I wasn't going to let her leave without buying something (with the amount of shoes there and the discounts on markdowns plus my discount, seriously) and I helped her pay for it so....She got some sweet gray boots. I love shoes, I could have a thousand pairs and not have enough... I guess that's where miss Jenn gets it from. Shoes and pocketbooks.

Chyrel and I are going to join a gym soon, that will be fun. I miss hanging with Chyrel, she's a card.

Work this week sucked, I was in "lets make lots of mistakes" mode. Like I said focusing is a bit difficult this week. Kicking the Caffiene hasnt helped much matters either. Can you say CRANKY that's been pretty much me this week.... Miss Cranky head.

ON that note i'm going to end here and say

YES!

5lbs down

My body feels like a mac truck ran over it (Thank you Bob Harper) but I feel like stuff is happening on the inside....there's a shift and that's GOOD!

I have a ways to go but the end doesnt feel so far away anymore.