Being Stupid

I have an extreme fear of Doctors and Dentist... I will literally wait until im dying to go to either. I make appointments fully intending on going to them but as the day approaches I find all kinds of excuses not to go.

Well.....here's a lesson for all you females out there......
Make sure you have your yearly paps

I haven't gone to the doctors in four years after my partial hysterectomy having not one but two surgeries that year and being so anemic I was looking at blood transfusions and death from loss of blood.If I never saw another doctor in my life it would be to soon. Stupidly I didn't keep up with my annual physicals.....

After not feeling good enough to scare me I sch my first appointment in four years for a full work up....let me tell you, not an easy thing for me...I tried calling to make the appointment several times and finally had to have my husband call and do it for me....my fear is real and almost crippling.

Things were going well, we talked about my weight and what my plan was, had the Brest exam (can I just say I don't even like my husband messing around with my boobs...NOT FUN) then comes the all most dreaded pap smear....now in reality it takes only a few seconds and other then a little pressure painless and after going through the partial hysterectomy and having everyone and their mother looking at my bits, not a big deal. Its just not how I like to spend the five min. it takes....Then I see her face and I know, oh shit.....

So now I get to worry for a week till the results come back....I now know that I can look forward to a pap every year like clock work (If Im lucky) if not more. I now know that it was Stupid to let my fear of the doctors get in the way of staying healthy and can now only hope that the polyps are benign and Im cancer free.

Girls, get those yearly dreaded test done, just cowgirl up and do it cause sitting here having to worry for the next few days and maybe having to deal with cancer just isnt worth it. Its Stupid, I was stupid.

Nothing like a scare to put things in perspective....
Keeping my fingers crossed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkJJ_U6uAGM

When im stressed out I always pull out Rob Thomas on my ipod.... His music just calms me....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1B-dsOtcps

I love this song....loved it when Cyndi lauper does it and love to hear Rob Thomas sing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuxCOjoFp7Y

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok Ive facebooked this myspaced this twitterd this now im blogging it in hopes my husband GETS A FREAKING CLUE!!!!!

He's the the smallest person in the house....well Jenn's the smallest but HES A LITTLE GUY and he makes so much Fing noise....gets up is loud shutting the bedroom door, is heavy footed when he walks, knocks pots and pans around, is loud getting his breakfast, freaking talks to himself, is loud using the bathroom and LOUD coming in to say Goodbye! I mean seriously Sam Just because your up in the morning doest mean you get to wake up everyone else in the Fing house....MY GOD! I was up till 2 am chatting with Jenn and friends on line cause I knew I could sleep in this morning one of the few AM's I can sleep in......but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Sammy has to be LOUD!!!!

I cant wait till Saturday morning when he can sleep in, Im turning on lights, im opening the shade and leaving it up so the light comes in, im going to talk to him LOUDLY....his ass is getting up early!

There I vented and feel better but im still FREAKING Tierd!

We both have been exercising for a while...She how ever has lost 70+ lbs over the past year. She doesn't work so she has spent all her time devoted to losing weight. I'm proud of her because a year ago you couldn't even get her to go for a walk now like myself she's walk/running. Sammy and I are moving in with her and my brother in law in September.....I'll be posting lots of vid's for the humor factor.....as you can see she's not a willing participant but that will change....LOL

This night we did 3 miles...I walked the corners and ran the sides of the tracks she walked a mile did what i did for a mile then walked a mile. My plan is to be running the full track for a mile then run walk a mile then run a mile by the end of the month.
Im still heavy enough for it to bother my knees and feet but with any luck those problems will correct themselves as the weight drops off....

My sister wanted to go running with me I told her I didnt like to run until the lights (sky)went out (got dark)
#1 I get hot really quick and its cooler at night
#2 Less chance of anyone else being on the track. I have a lane I like and I don't like to share
#3 It's less noise that time of day
#4 and Most important ITS DARK no one can see you running and Im sorry but at this point no one should have to see all that going on.

Did she listen.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Passwords

I have so many sites,blogs,online accounts,work accounts yada yada that I have to keep a list of passwords and to add to the list of INSANE work passwords are changes ever third week....I have a standard word that I tweak for different things and work passwords are always favorite actors with a twist... like one I no longer use was CollinFarrellRocks@1, I know silly but I have the words worst memory so it has to be over the top for me to remember plus I do the dance....Whats the dance you ask....

Every time I leave the house and I have to remember if I did something like....turn off the oven or unplug the curling iron I have to do the dance....I stand there and do the hooky poky move while I sing "I unplugged the curling iron I unplugged the curling iron" ect ect.... If I don't do it, I'll get a half mile down the road and have to turn around to come check to make sure I'm not going to burn the house down....
Having a bad memory in my world can often mean Comic Relief for those around me....

I started a video blog this evening "Fat to Fit" that Ill be posting here as soon as I figure out how to do it...yeah I'm computer stupid too.

On that note I'm off to Twitter....
Have a good one....

If you twitter, check out Ashton Kutchers Twitter page, he has lots of cool links....the guys a YouTube junkie. He's becoming one of my faves...smart guy, funny guy....

Ok I'll end here....
Video up soon.

Another rainy day off....

Im starting to think that someone upstairs is making sure I stay out of the sun. I was diagnosed with skin cancer last year and I havent taken it as serious as I probably should be....Every day off I've had thus far this summer has been cloudy, overcast and our pouring rain out....FML

Today I spent the day with Ashton Kutcher.....watched a few older movies and watched one Ihadn't seen yet. "Personal Effects" I have to say all tho his comedy movies are funny, I enjoy him most in dramatic roles.

IMAX just opened at the local theater...looking forward to spending an afternoon there....just waiting for the right movie.

I love movies....but....I'd really like to have a nice day off to enjoy some time out side....I'll wear sunscreen I promise..

exhausted from doing nothing....off to bed I go....

OY Fing VEy

Ok Vent time.....

Because I think very few people know I have this blog that I know ...I'm now going to Vent my ass off right ....

So I have a facebook like millions of other people in this world....my nephew had posted a pole on his site about same sex marriage for or against....

(deep breath).....

Let me back up here a few steps....

I was raised by a pretty open mom and an agnostic dad...We went to sunday school and our mister growing up was fire and brimstone (is that the right phrase?) but my mom was always pretty liberal in her thoughts so we grew up open minded with open hearts. As my mom has gotten older her views have narrowed a bit but whatever....I married into a born again family (minus my father in law) I love my brother in law and his wife to death, they are great people as are the rest of my husbands family However...when it comes to topics like homosexuality or premarital sex ect ect....We stand on very different lines...Thank god my husband is open minded and liberal is all i can say....
Any way moving on.....

When you are in this kind of enviroment you tend to learn to hold your tongue because when someone is so passionate about the way they believe there is no arguing with them.... and its not even the argument as much as they have the right to their views but god forbid if you voice your own because they will just bring out the bible and quote phrases to prove you wrong. My response is always "That book is very old and as with everything else you need to update with the times, yes their are the basics that are fundamental (I guess depending on what your faith is) but times change, Adapt already" But I shut my mouth and let it end with them having the last word so it Will End. I dont need to win a fight about how I feel because they are my feelings and no one can take them from me.

But when you have a public page like FB and you stupidly add these family members you lose your voice all over again because you know the minute you put yourself out there there they are to stomp you down with the dang bible again or feel the need to make a mountain out of a mole hill and why all because

YOU FEEL that every person on this earth has the right to love who they want to love, has the right to live a happy life with another person of their choice in the same way as anyone else and if they feel the need to marry they should be able to do so legally, and every person has the right to experience the love of raising a child should they chose to and are fit too (my good look at how many unfit straight couples out there raising children) ...Gay straight or bi..... A persons sexual orientation should have nothing to do with who can and can not get married....

and all this frustration because I clicked YES under should gay marriages be legalized....

Oh my god Im going to burn in hell.....

Whatever....
Get a life really.....it's a stupid pole....on stupid facebook...HELLO!

I just feel bad because it was my nephew whom I love who posted it....I just couldn't let it go....

I find when people fear difference just to be well ignorant to life and the world they live in...people are different for a reason....

My new chucks, I pretty much love them. The perks of working in a shoe store...Great discounts and lots of new shoes.....You can never have enough shoes in my world. Today's topic.....
Taking stock and looking back to see where you've traveled to get where you are....Sometimes it doesn't make since until you get to the next place to look back....


You ever just take stock or your life…look where you have been and where you are in the moment. I woke up thinking about that this morning. I was thinking, I’m 46 years old and I'm a manager at a shoe store…how the hell does that happen. At first feeling a bit sorry for myself not thinking Ive accomplished that much in 46 years then I sat and said…WAIT…lets break this down….
I grew up in less then perfect situation and came out in one piece. I had an amazing four year in high school at Salmon Falls and was really taken under the wings of some special teachers there. I went to college for 2 years and got to study theater which I loved and took a minor in human services to shut up my mother, in the end that came in handy. All though I dropped out after 2 years. (a large campus not being for me) I did get something out of it. Worked at Kmart for a little over a year met my husband and started a family. Chelsea my first born pretty much saved me. She gave me purpose and motivation. I started an 18 year stint at CPI working in a group home for adults with developmental disabilities. I did direct care for several years before becoming an activities coordinator, which led me to coach a special Olympic team for summer games, a job I loved and did for the next six summers or so. I became a coordinator/assistant manager for multi supportive independent group homes in which time I was responsible for all aspects of a running home and the medical care of the residents living in them. I've gained a certificate in phlebotomy and massage in the state of Maine. I've been a floor manager in a hotel and I've chambermaid in hotels I've even done a stint at dunkin doughnuts which some may say “oh whoopee” but, it does teach you to work with the public and that’s not an easy feet…people are grumpy when they don’t have their coffee….LOL I've managed departments in stores and been a merch manager in a store. And last but not least I raised 2 kids and have supported many others. 've
So looking back at my life in this moment I can say…yeah I work with a team of managers in a shoe store right now. It pays the bills and helps get us to tomorrow but look what I’ve done, where I’ve been and what I’ve accomplished when I’ve wanted to or needed to. I don’t feel as bad as I did when I first woke up thinking…oh Christ I have to go fling shoe boxes today. I think what I’ve learned most looking back is that I’m not above having to scrub a toilet if I have to. My life is about those I love and doing what I need to, to get them through. Work is just something I do for a pay check and sometimes it’s very rewarding and sometimes its just a pay check. I’ve learned a lot from every job I’ve ever had and my life has been pretty interesting. On that note, I need to go get ready to go fling some shoe boxes and smile a lot…You know smiling all the time actually hurts…try it…spend all day today with a smile on your face…your face will be exhausted at the end of the day…lol seriously try it.